Let’s Try It Together

What are boundaries?

Boundaries are the limits and rules that protect what matters your time, energy, values, and relationships. They aren’t walls; they’re clear edges that help connections feel safer and more honest. We learn boundaries from the models around us; family, culture, work, and faith.

The spectrum: rigid, porous, healthy

• Rigid boundaries
  You keep people at a distance, avoid asking for help, guard space and belongings tightly, and communicate in ways that can feel sharp or final.
• Porous boundaries
  You struggle to say no, overshare, get pulled into others’ problems, defer to others’ opinions, and lean toward people-pleasing.
• Healthy boundaries
  You can be supportive without over-involving yourself, say no when needed, build trust gradually, and speak assertively clear and kind.

Most of us move along this spectrum depending on stress, history, and context. The goal isn’t perfection; it’s awareness and choice.

Signs you may need stronger boundaries

• Feeling overwhelmed or resentful
• Dodging calls or interactions
• No time left for rest or prayer
• Fantasizing about “disappearing” from obligations

Why people don’t respect your boundaries (yet)

• You haven’t said them out loud they only live in your head
• You said them once, then hoped others would remember
• You apologized for having a limit
• You were too flexible for too long
• You speak in uncertain terms (“maybe, I guess…”)
• You don’t follow through on consequences
• You hope people will “just know” from your mood or silence

Six types of boundaries (with quick examples)

• Physical: personal space, touch
  “I’m more comfortable with a handshake.”
  
• Emotional: what feelings you’ll hold, what is yours vs. not yours
  “I can listen, but I can’t be your only support.”
• Intellectual: beliefs, ideas, respectful disagreement
  “I see it differently—let’s keep it respectful.”
• Material: money, possessions
  “I don’t lend my car. I’m happy to help you find a rental.”
• Sexual: consent, pace, topics, privacy
  “I’m not comfortable discussing that; let’s pause here.”
• Time: schedule, availability, response speed
  “I don’t take work calls after 6 pm.”

Tips for setting healthy boundaries

• Know your limits: Write your “non-negotiables” before you get over-invested.
• Know your values: Let them reflect what matters family time, worship, health, study, rest.
• Be assertive (clear + kind): Don’t rely on hints after a line is crossed name the boundary.
• Listen to your emotions: Resentment often signals over-giving.
• Respect both sides: Healthy boundaries protect you and the relationship.

Scripts you can use today (save these)

• Saying no with care:
  “I appreciate you thinking of me, and I’m not available. Please respect my decision.”
• Protecting space:
  “Please don’t touch me that way.”
• Declining an invite:
  “Thank you for inviting me. I can’t make it today.”
• Time boundary at work:
  “I’m logging off at 6. I can pick this up tomorrow.”
• Emotional limit:
  “I care about you; I’m not able to be your only support. Can we look at options?”

Boundaries are not weakness, boundaries are manifestations of assertiveness and care. Let’s try it together.